I was cleaning up my office this weekend and came across some cutouts I had saved. Sometimes I get inspired by a quote or images I see in a magazine and file them, only to unearth them months later…

I found the quote by Czeslaw Milosz and it seemed a perfect inspiration for a February blog.

“Love means to learn to look at yourself
The way one looks at distant things
For you are only one thing among many.
And whoever sees that way, heals his heart
Without knowing it, from various ills…”

So often in love, it is easy to lose perspective. You may think about giving love to someone and checking quietly how much you are receiving back. There may be inequality and then you suffer.

The amount of love you can offer to yourself is really the foundation for the depth of love you can give to the “outside”. Have you created a reservoir in yourself that you can draw from and that you are constantly refilling? Or are you regularly feeling depleted by being critical and judgmental about yourself?

Sometimes it is easy to go into a downward spiral and become more and more focused on what is not working, what you cannot do, what is missing.

I invite you to become aware when you are in this space of criticism and then make a decision to actively turn this around. Even visualizing a downward spiral coming to a stop and turning around into an upward rising spiral will begin to change the energy you bring into your life.

Step back from yourself and look at yourself through someone else’s eyes. Make a list of all your gifts and talents, noting those things in particular that are easy for you and therefore often overlooked as a talent or gift. What are your strengths? What do others come to you for?

You do not have to be perfect in order to offer value in life. Perfection is like a mask that does not evoke emotion. It is lifeless and creates distance. You only become engaged by something when it is active and in process, no matter if you feel that it is opening or closing your heart.

When you watch yourself too vigorously and hold on too tightly to judgments about yourself, you move yourself out of the flow. Life becomes serious, the problems grow out of proportion. Your existence becomes more about being in a reactive mode rather than making conscious decisions that are in alignment with your truth.

Allowing some distance, observing yourself through the eyes of another, supports you in creating some spaciousness around you. In that bubble or balloon of spaciousness you can move, shift perspectives and try something new.

In that space, you also create the foundation to experiencing compassion for yourself and this, in turn, will “heal (your) heart without knowing it, from various ills”.

Happy Loving! Happy Healing!

On New Years Day I was listening to a talk on the internet and was reminded of the importance of acknowledging what is happening in my life from moment to moment.

So much moves through your consciousness – thoughts, feelings, images, sounds, tastes, smells. You cannot be aware of all of it at the same time – it is overloading your system. So what tends to happen is that you automatically let things flow through until there is something that stands out – in either a positive way or a negative way.

A positive experience may be acknowledged with a “thank you”, feelings of happiness and gratitude. A negative experience is usually the result of having been reminded of a limiting belief, a fear, a habitual pattern – all of which were formed long ago and are often displaying a stubborn persistence – until you shine the light on them and look at them with fresh eyes.

What happens to you when something good happens in your life? Do you notice it, acknowledge it, celebrate it? Or are you reluctant to share or even feel embarrassed. Do you tend to downplay your successes in front of others, particularly when they are not having a good time themselves?

How about when a challenge arises in your life? Do you pay attention and deal with it at the time? Do you ignore it, hoping it will go away somehow if you do not spend any time with it? Do you over-share with others to gain sympathy?

In life, everything is waiting to be recognized and acknowledged by you. Until you recognize a positive or negative event, it is not real. If you stay unconscious to what is happening in your life, you will get more of the same experiences.

Your experiences are an indicator of your patterns, habits and beliefs and unless you pay conscious attention to what is showing up, you cannot create a change.

A way to release yourself from the confines of your patterns is to start recognizing what is going on:

“Ahh, I feel angry…”, “Ahh, I feel powerless…, “Ahh, I want this..”

Once you have the recognition, thank yourself and the Universe/ Spirit/ God for the insight: “Thank you!”

Next step is acknowledgment. Often this is easier looking at a positive experience, however, not always. With a challenge, instead of closing yourself down in regards to it, open yourself up and embrace it by saying: ”I love you!” Sending out this positive energy of acceptance will support you in neutralizing the negative energy. All of a sudden the pattern or behavior is no longer in a fixed position, but has room to move. Once it can move, perceptions shift and miracles can happen!

The more often you can consciously say: “Thank you! I love you!” to the events and occurrences in your life, the more freedom you will start to feel inside. So this can become a self-motivating practice.

Say it out loud in the car or silently to people you encounter during the day and notice what happens

And while you are at it, you might as well give yourself a pat on the shoulder and recognize and acknowledge yourself with a : “Thank you! I love you!!”

During the last few days I had several interesting conversations about the relationship we have to various aspects of life. Sometimes we limit the word relationship to our connection with people. However, we have a relationship with everything that shows up in our life, including the home we live in, the work we accomplish, the car we drive, the food we eat and the places we visit, to name just a few.

So, how do you experience these relationships? How do you adapt to the changes and challenges that come your way constantly?

Are you “leaning in”, are you” leaning out” or are you right in the center?

What do I mean by “leaning out”?

The feeling of “leaning out” is akin with separation or lack of engagement. You are not available to be fully present to a particular person or activity. You may notice that in conversations when you really do not want to engage with the person or topic. You may pretend to keep things smooth, but in your heart you do not feel connected in that moment. You may notice it at work when you find yourself not following through with a task and only managing to do the minimal amount keep things moving.

“Leaning out” is an expression of discernment. It offers a recognition of how you are relating to life in this moment. ”Leaning out” may be based on fear and a lack of control about how to manage a particular life situation. Not getting involved may keep the illusion alive of maintaining the status quo. At the same time, “leaning out” can also come from a place of self-love, understanding and honoring what nourishes and supports you. If I know that eating a bag of chips in one setting makes me feel unwell, then leaning away is perfect for me in that moment.

How about “leaning in”?

“Leaning in” usually means you are feeling more engaged. You are participating and offering your attention to people or activities. It can be an attractive place to hang out in, because it enhances your feelings of aliveness.

However, “leaning in” also offers some drawbacks. When you are leaning in, your focus can become narrowed and often, the will takes over. You may become more opinionated and offer your perspectives more strongly into the conversations or work activities in an attempt to subconsciously control life in that moment.

Sometimes you can get stuck in “leaning out” or “leaning in”.

Allow yourself to notice when you are – without judgment.

Offer yourself the opportunity to change your perception, to release your fears, to trust the guidance of your heart. Allow movement to occur freely : Starting from the center lean back and forward and back. Notice, when you do that, you will be hanging out in the center twice as often as compared to forward and back! Amazing!

In the center is where you find your heart, your peace and your joy!

As you move forward in your life, may you experience all of them more often and for ever increasing amounts!

Going to Egypt and immersing myself in the wonders of visiting many sacred sites reconnected me profoundly to the mysteries of life. It is so easy to get caught up in our daily lives and to stop noticing what is right in front of us.

The scale of the ancient sites in Egypt is just so grand and the workmanship so precise that in the face of it, common scientific explanations just fade away and something more profound comes forward.

We as people have created theories and histories around all of the Egyptian sites to explain and understand them. However, I realized that once I experienced them in person and connected with them at a conscious level, I could not contain them in anything that felt that limiting.

I do not know how and when these temples and pyramids were built. I do not know precisely what they were built for. Looking into the eyes of the Sphinx, I realized that there is something so ancient and timeless present, that I cannot grasp it with my mind.

In that moment, my rational mind could not offer words of explanation or theories. There was no point asking someone else for information, because at that time it was a gift offered to me that went beyond conventional understanding and theory. Childlike feelings of awe and wonder arose. My heart opened and new perspectives floated trough my awareness, not fully formed, but feeling expansive.

I had a profound experience of the beauty and heart-opening nature of mystery. This meant letting go of the need to understand with my mind and trusting my heart to connect.

Having opened myself more consciously to this energy of mystery, it becomes easier to connect with the mysteries that are around me all the time! I just need to stop and notice!
Can I look at a person, a flower or a beautiful rock with the same feeling of wonder and awe as I did in Egypt?

Can I let go of my knowledge, my preconceived ideas and just revel in the mystery of all?

Give it a go! I will!

Sometimes when I meditate or have a quiet moment, a word or phrase will just float across my consciousness screen. A few days ago the word was “Freedom”, and it attached itself to “from” and “to”. Very interesting!

Living in duality, even freedom gets sorted into a slot, depending which preposition you use!

How do you use the word freedom in your life? What is your main orientation?

Is your reality based mostly on “freedom from”? Do you focus on wanting to be free from pain, debt or a challenging relationship? Are you feeling the weight of all the issues that have accumulated over your life so far? How about freedom from the thoughts that are endlessly looping back and forth in your mind and seem inescapable, no matter what you try?

When you contemplate the words ”freedom from”, what sensations are you aware of in your body? Are you noticing a restriction, a sense of shrinking, of closing or being weighted down? Are you becoming aware of all the different ways you are not free?

“Freedom from” is passive: there is not much energy available to create the changes that you are hoping for. It keeps you in the comfort of old habits and patterns and does not encourage you to take charge of your life.

How about the other side of the coin?

Is your orientation in life mostly focused on “freedom to”? Are you noticing restrictions in your present life and are looking forward, dreaming of a different future? What are you connecting with when you think about “freedom to”? Change your work, travel, learn something new, create more meaningful relationships, have more time to play?

Notice that “freedom to” automatically puts you into a more active state of being: the word “to” needs to connect with an action word! When you contemplate this combination of words, how do you feel in your body? More open, inviting, hopeful? Are you sensing some new possibilities?

Living in a “freedom to” orientation does not guarantee change. It is an invitation to step out of patterns and habits and make choices that are more in alignment with who you are. Your motivation for creating more freedom in your life has to be greater than the resistances that have kept you where you are.

Most people swing back and forth between “freedom from” and “freedom to”. Just as a practice, allow yourself to be aware of where you are at any given time. Being in that present, conscious moment then offers “Freedom” without any attachments to the past or future.

Perhaps we need a new placard: “Free Freedom!”

Sometimes I just forget! Life gets busy and I get caught up in mulling over something that happened the day before and didn’t quite work out the way I would have preferred. Or I contemplate all the “things” that I would like to accomplish in the near future, knowing full well that most of them will not leave the to-do list considerably longer than hoped for!

When I am in that place, I start feeling somewhat empty inside. I become more critical. I eat more chocolate. I feel less energetic and have to push myself to go for a walk. I look for approval. I notice the grass is greener on the other side of the fence (although my tomatoes are holding up pretty well!)

You know what I mean, this place where you just don’t quite feel right, but may not be able to put your finger on what is amiss.

What I have realized for myself is that in that state of being, I have stopped noticing all the miracles, coincidences and beauty that surround me all the time. I am pre-occupied with the past or the future and unable to be in the present moment.

The interesting thing is that the past or future does not nourish you, is not able to fill you up inside. Rather, both of them create a feeling of longing inside – either for more of what you enjoyed in the past or something you wish for in the future.

So, how do you put yourself back in the flow, back into the present moment, back into a place of love and acceptance for yourself and others?

My secret weapon is GRATITUDE!

Look around you and just notice what is amazing in terms of natural beauty, inventions, art, people and pets. The list is endless!! As soon as you notice something that feels like a “wow”, just say: “Thank you!” preferably out loud. The “thank you” is an acknowledgement for having a conscious moment!

The good news is: The more often you say it, the more occasions will present themselves. You are adjusting your inner filter and your senses will start to select more and more “wow” moments out of the endless possibilities surrounding you.

You are in the driver’s seat here. You can actively create continuous opportunities for yourself to be nourished by paying attention to something that is happening in this moment.

Nothing to buy, nothing to create and nothing to manipulate. Just pay attention to this moment now and see what happens!

Does that not bring a smile to your face?

Many of us take a few days off in the summer with the intention to recharge our batteries. This re-charging can take many forms: physical activities, creative pursuits, visiting with others, discovering new landscapes and cultural environments or simply doing nothing.

Doing nothing is actually quite a challenging pursuit. Most of the time“ doing nothing” actually consist of a whole string of activities. However, you may have judged these activities consciously or unconsciously to be “unproductive” as they do not feel like they are contributing to goals you may have set for yourself. As a result, “unproductive” actions can easily fall into the “ doing nothing” category.

I remember when I used to ask my teenage kids what they were doing (as if it was not self-evident if I allowed myself to notice!!) and often the answer was: “Nothing.” Looking back at that scenario now, I realize that questioning them was my way of wanting them to be “productive”. It was really more a prodding than a true interest. I judged their activity by my standards, by my interpretation of what was worthwhile for them to do in order to reach goals that I knew about or thought would be good for them.

I now have a bit of a different interpretation and appreciation of “doing nothing”. It is one thing to look at activities as being productive and non-productive. However, to truly “do nothing” is difficult and needs practice! I have begun to meditate more and as a result I am actively figuring out how to “do nothing”. That is quite a contradiction and sometimes my head just cannot work it out!

We were made to be active, to do things. Attempting to reach the conscious, expanded place of just “Being” is usually accomplished through an activity that allows us to relax the strings that hold everything in place so tightly. This may be done through meditation, but also other physical and creative activities.

Creating opportunities to be in stillness, to be with ourselves at an expanded soul level, to recognize that we are more than our personality, our body and our ego allows us to step out of the limited ways in which we see ourselves. It creates a foundation from which we can relate to ourselves, our lives, and other people in a more conscious way.

Less judgment, more acceptance.

Less resistance, more harmony.

Less fear, more joy!

Those are the reasons why it is helpful to practice “doing nothing”, to allow, to be. Out of that openness and relaxation then comes the impulse for renewed action that is more in alignment with our true Self. Those actions will support our goals and thereby will feel more productive and energetic.

From this perspective, I invite you to try this dance: moving from being active into the stillness of being and then back into aligned and energized activity. Have fun with it!

Remember:
There is definitely a time and space for “doing nothing”!

And:
“Doing nothing” is outside of time and space!

Even though my children have grown up, I observe that I still connect with the rhythm of the school year. When the end of June comes, I feel this sense of opening, of possibility, of freedom. This year this experience is connecting with playfulness as well.

When you consider the words ‘playing’ and ‘playful’, what do you notice? Can you all of a sudden take a deeper breath? Does something open up inside? Do you feel lighter for some reason?

We are in this earthly experience playing a role every day. We have created a particular setting, certain co-players and out of that create an incredible array of scenarios. Some scenarios get repeated frequently, which can be annoying, upsetting, disappointing and frustrating. Other situations may change frequently, providing you with curiosity, excitement, pleasure and satisfaction.

What you may easily forget as you are busy with the execution of all the different set-ups is that all of it is a play and not real. However, your soul being is such a master at creating these ‘plays’ and they are so complex and intricate, that you cannot help being convinced that they are real and the truth of who you are.

This in turn causes you to take things “seriously”!

However, deep down inside you know that this is not the real truth, because if you stop for a moment, take a conscious breath or two and thereby allow yourself to be in the present moment, you can actually observe from the “outside” what you are up to. You can watch yourself being in your own movie. So, at the same time that you are acting in your perceived reality, you can watch yourself doing it. Your Higher Self or Soul Being constantly observes what your physical persona is doing! Pretty amazing!

So, in reality you are actually playing all the time. It is not something that is a special event! You have mastered it in all aspects, and you are literally play-full.

Somehow in our language of duality we have separated ourselves from that fullness and limited the understanding of ‘play’ to the lighter side of our beingness. It is understood to be outside of our regular day-to–day experience. Play has a special status. It allows you to practice, experiment and explore without the perception of lasting consequences. It opens the door to possibility. For most people it is easier to bring more courage, creativity, edginess to a playful situation than a to a ‘regular’ life situation.

However, in truth, there is no distinction, and from that perspective you can consciously bring all of the supportive elements of playfulness into your life at any time. What would change for you if you could infuse a bit of lightness into those life situations and moments that have tended to be serious?

Would you breathe more deeply? Would you change your perspective more easily? Would you smile more often? Would you try out something new?

So, this month, I invite you to give it a go and relax the grip that ‘seriousness’ may have on your life. Give yourself permission to notice when and where in life you are holding on tight. It is time to play more, experiment more and best of all: laugh more!!

You are worth it!!!